Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A people pleaser

Being assertive is a good way to get what you want. So many of us are not assertive at all. They are afraid to speak up for themselves. They are anxious to hurt someone's feelings. They say whatever their opponent is willing to hear. But how about themselves? Don't they have desires or wishes? Do they really agree with whatever someone else suggests? Or is it just because they lack assertiveness to stand up and let the other person know what THEY want.

Being assertive has nothing to do with an aggressive attitude. It is totally different. Assertive people are not aggressive at all. They know what they want out of life and they are not afraid to let others know their opinion. In fact, assertive people are the best friends. Because you know what to expect. You know they won't stab you in the back, because they are so straight forward that they will let you know how you feel. If they don't like your new best outfit, they will tell you. Not to hurt your feelings, but because you asked their opinion.

I used to be a people pleaser. Running around like crazy in order to please everyone. It doesn't make you any more loveable though, on the contrary. You end up being abused by your so called friends. They talk you in to doing whatever they feel like making you do. They know you won't say no. They know you'll ask: "How high?" if they tell you to jump. It's okay to be a bit more assertive. It'll do you good. It'll be good for the people around you. Real friends respect each other's point of view. Saying "no" to a friend, doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. Cancelling an appointment doesn't mean you never want to meet up with that person ever again. If a friend tells you he doesn't want to go out to dinner with you, because he's tired, then that's okay. Your friend has the right to be tired. Don't try to make him feel guilty. Respect the "no" and ask your friend what you can do to make him feel better, instead of being upset about your delayed night out.
And it goes the other way around. If you have planned a candle night dinner with your partner, don't let your friend spoil the fun. Say "no" when he asks to come over so the three of you can have a good time. Because it's not the right time, nor the right place. You need some private time with your partner, and it's your job to let your friends understand you're entitled to some time without your friends. Don't make up any excuses. If your friends don't respect your wishes, they are not your friends in the first place..

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